First realization,
After reading a post from a friend, I realized what I loved to do. AcroYoga is the first activity that I wanted to do by myself. I put in a great deal of effort and struggle in the practice and never became frustrated. Every day of training became fun and playful. The community also empowered me to continue practicing and improving. I love to do AcroYoga.
Now, I will explain the realization. Do what you love, love what you do. I have no idea who coined that quote, but I believed I always had done that. This morning I realized that what I love is AcroYoga. The practice and the people are also included in it. I have been at home contemplating life, being depressed, hanging out with past friends, and searching for work (half-hardheartedly for work) for the past couple of months. Getting money is essential to pay bills, eat and live for an extended period of time. While looking for work, I have been told to do what I love. Before this morning I had no idea what that was. I was not passionate about anything, or at least that is what I thought. I instantly took steps towards getting work as an AcroYoga instructor. All is well until I learned what the reality of an instructor is: A struggle and a hustle for work.
This is true for any instruction position. you must build up your clientele with months of hard work and dedication. The pay is weak at first (or for many years, depending how much effort your willing to put in to the practice).
That is where that realization ended and the next flooded into my mind.
Second realization,
A paraphrase from Kevin Hart in "Laughing at my Pain" really took me by surprise because I did not care to much after the first 3 minutes of the production where this line is from.
- Everybody wants to be famous, but no one is willing to put in the work!
This segment came as an after thought while I was writing this post, but intertwines smoothly with my stress at the moment coming from this second realization.
I will get back to the paraphrase after I explain my thought process. I found what I love to do. I must find work as an instructor. However, there is still a lot of stress and work that needs to go into being an AcroYoga instructor. After talking with an instructor, I realized that even after years of instructing there is still a struggle and a hustle for work. My mind continued forward to search for something that would ease that struggle. I thought about the teachers that teach the training for prospective instructors...
Do they struggle too?
Who trains them?
Is that group struggling?
Who trains them?
And so on and so forth until I come to the founder that started the practice. How much is that person struggling? How different is the founder from myself? I am sure there are still bills to pay. I do not wish to talk specifically about AcroYoga, but open this to any company! Every system is similar. A founder builds a company that employs a few people that end up training the employees. This hierarchy is grown to whatever size is necessary to support the creation of the founders vision. In my work experience, I have learned that employees are unhappy at work. The supervisors pretend to be on point at work to give instruction to the employees, but go home and have bills to pay too. Maybe they do not live pay check to pay check anymore but spend many years at work with at most 2 weeks off in a given year. This process continues with their higher ups again and again until we reach the founder. The success of the company determines the freedom of the founder. I have learned that everyday is still a hustle and struggle for the company to support the ever growing employment.
What is my thinking that makes me believe everything is easy going?
Now, even when you put in the work to be famous there are still hurdles to overcome once you have made the effort to become famous or a founder.
When does this madness end?
I feel weighted down and stressed about this whole predicament when I want to choose the path I want to take. I found out what I love to do and realize that this is no different than ANYTHING else in the world.
What do I do?
Start teaching?
Build something new?
Nothing?
What about my bills? How will they get paid?
How will I feed myself?
...hmm so many possibilities. I can be famous, I can be a founder, I can be a teacher, I can be anything. With each level of commitment there are more responsibilities and work that has to be done to reach that level.
All for what though? Death?
What is the point of doing anything?
WHY?
I do not know. That pisses me off.